Anyone for Golf?

What’s golf all about? I was pondering this yesterday, perched on a bench high above Zurich, watching people playing on a very expensive looking course.

Frankly I’m a bit suspicious of any game that uses driver, birdy, bogie and albatross (?!) in the same sentence, you could have a field day with the terms, but I like to be open-minded so I thought I’d watch and learn.

First Up: Two (older) ladies playing each other I assume
Well, it was hilarious. First I didn’t know who was playing as all i could see were two men standing around with golf clubs on a trolley – I later learned these were Caddies (I’ll come back to them).

So there I was thinking, I can see a ball but nothing is happening, then a lady with a bright pink matching outfit and bright red (dyed) hair and a cool looking golf visor walked into the picture very slowly towards the bushes. Yes. the bushes, I know what does she need them for? My point exactly, especially when she started to bend over and squat down slightly, wiggling her bum in the air like a duck. It seems there was a ball in there somewhere, but to the innocent onlooker it looked like she was taking a loo break (the loos must be a long way away).

Then the other lady appeared. Her outfit wasn’t so glamorous, white but with orange looking hair and wearing her visor. Her ball was in a normal place, yet it seemed to take a while for her to actually hit it. She just kept swinging her club in the air like a woman possessed, but not actually hitting the ball.

Eventually she did hit the ball, in what looked like completely the wrong direction! Ok, that’s a bit of an over exaggeration but it definitely wasn’t near the hole, or even the green and she really wasn’t very far away. At this point, my Dad (who was with me) said ‘I don’t think these ladies are very good at golf’. Now I know there are loads of great female golfers, this isn’t about their gender, it was just so funny to watch.

Next Up: Caddies
So back to the Caddies. At this point, they trundled over to where the ball was, not very far away. And waited. There were two Caddies, one for each golfer, really what is the point? Why can’t they trundle their own bags (note: on wheels) over to the ball? After all, they have to walk there anyway! At this point the lady golfer in the white gives one club to the Caddy. He puts it into the bag. He gets a new club out, “That’s a big clubhead’ says my Dad. He gives it to the lady in white. WHY?!

After a few more shots they finally got their ball in the hole (don’t ask me what’s that’s called!) and trundled off into the distance behind their Caddies.

And Finally: I conclude!
Golf looks like a relaxing game if you like waiting around and walking a lot. Or if indeed you have a lot of money and you like driving around in a golf buggy and watching your Caddy walking a lot. But I don’t think it’s for me.

The terms make me laugh as I’m very immature for 33: par reminds me of parp even before you start to talk about being under it or over it; bogies are just that to me and even the word tee makes me giggle for some unknown reason. My hair is purple(ish) not orange or deep red and there are too many fat-bellied men lurching about the course looking like they’re keeping fit when they obviously are not (opinionated anyone?).

Though it was fun to observe, I think I’ll stick to cycling on a sunny day 🙂

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