I had a great week…. It was my birthday, which is always fun as it is the opportunity to unashamedly make everything about me, which though I don’t normally admit it, I like to indulge in occasionally…
And I also learnt a lot this week:
1. I can ski if I really put my mind to it!
2. I can relax…. If I really put my mind to it
3. I have some great friends around me, here and at home, who know me much better than I think, so I don’t need to do everything alone (of course alone means through The Big i Am, poor TBiAm)
4. I function much better with time to reflect, so I need to slow down.
5. I am action orientated, a bit of a contradiction to learning 4…. Work in progress
6. I can finish what I start…. Sometimes.
Point 6 is my favourite and the one that made me realise the most this week. I finally finished a painting I started in 2005. This is quite normal for me, I have alot of unfinished ‘stuff’, mainly ideas, paintings, books, and ventures. So, whilst I was moaning away on the phone to TBiAm about how I want to do x, y and z and work ‘always takes over’ he accurately pointed out to me that I have a lot of things I want to do, but how many do I actually do I start but never finish? Fair play.
There’s nothing like a challenge from outside to get my perfectionism into action, so I reflected on this for a day, got a bit moody then thought I would start a new painting. Realising this just proves the point, starting something new again I decided to finish an old painting!
It’s taking a while to get to, but I promise this is going somewhere. So, after 7 hours painting and an almost finished article ( I say almost because I am such a perfectionist I am never truly happy with the end product) I realised something really insightful. My fingers hurt really badly from paintbrush multi-tasking, an art in itself. My back was killing. I forgot to eat and drink and my nails were wrecked. Then I had to clear up.
Though I am very happy that I finished my painting, I realised that the last 15 years of me saying ‘I want to be an artist, I am creative, my corporate job sucks the creativity out of me’ and such the like, that if I had been painting for the last 15 years, my fingers would be painful all the time, my nails would be messy and I hate that and my posture would be even worse than it is sitting at a desk all day! Ultimately, I would just be complaining how painting sucks the life out of my body and I look like crap.
You can find something you like and that inspires you in everything you do. Sometimes it is not easy and it doesn’t mean you should accept something less than you want, but what it does mean is nothing is perfect. I am hoping that this is something that will help me move forward in the present, not always think about the future ‘what if…’ or the past when I can get what I need out of right now.